DOD friend of mine said this guy's a total nutjob.

国防部的哥们说这人完全不务正业。

What kind of a nutjob am I?

我真是个畸形？

I'm just here to figure out how to deal with all the nutjobs in my life who actually need it.

我只是来这里弄清楚如何处理我生活中真正需要它的所有疯子。